Who the hell can sleep forever?

Please, remember me fondly.

It's the good advice that you just didn't take....

"He confessed to his affairs with . . . Sarah Visconti; but both women, he claimed, were so vindictive that he was now 'more cruelly punished than you would have wished had you wanted revenge'. Whether or not he believed himself, it shows how desperate he was not to let [his "love"] slip away at the last. His affairs, he insisted, had been purely medicinal - refreshments for the athlete - and most of what she heard about him was preposterous."

-Balzac: A Biography

This is what I found when I Googled my name. Ironic.... to say the least.

Yoko OH NO

I don't know how to upload a video, but this is so good:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKcCfQKI_js

Don't let me down.

Spending my morning dancing around my mum's living room like a retarded ballerina to The Beatles and trying to figure out how to get a job in Ireland. It's not going as well as planned; I am completely incompetent and 100% dependent on others. I need to make moves, though. Speaking of moves, I have to go back to Pittsburgh in twenty minutes. There isn't a bone in my body that wants to....

A love that lasts forever. A love that has no past.

"If I had your number...." Ugh, blowing it left and right. The game needs me, but I don't want the game anymore.

Besides, this is the only man who will ever have my heart in its entirety:

George Harrison, the best of humans.




Celebrating Lena's birthday tonight. All dressed up with nowhere to go. I'm still hungover from all the free Jaegar Bombs last night (it is 8:59 p.m.). Gross. Must. Snap. Out. Of. My. Current. Funk. Perhaps listening to something more cheerful than Jeff Buckley would help. Love you anyways, Jeff. Perhaps leaving my dark incense filled room would help, too. Oi, where is everyone?

If I could do anything, I'd build a movie theater on the moon

It's like windshield fluid. It cleans my windows and clears off all the bullshit that has accumulated. But when it's are cold, it crystalizes, becomes hard, and obstructs my view tenfold worse than what it ever was. In this form, though, it is so abstractly beautiful. How can it be so extreme on opposite ends of the spectrum? The wipers sweep and it's gone as quickly as it came. Although, as fortunate or unfortunate as it may be, it always comes back.

I want this to be my life:

"The walls of the shed collapsed one autumn afternoon - "a leaf too many," her father joked - and the next day he made new walls of shelves, so that the books themselves would separate inside form outside. (The new, overhanging roof protected the books from rain, but during the winter the pages would freeze, come spring, they let out a sigh). He made a little salon the the space, carpets, two small couches, he loved to go out there in the evenings with a glass of whiskey and a pipe, and take down books and look through the wall at the center of the city."

.....Sans the whole Nazi Germany thing....

Should have went to bed earlier, as I am exhausted anyways.... but I stayed up to witness how incredibly insane Shaun White is on the snowboard. He killed everyone. It's almost unfair how good some people are at things while I am so painfully mediocre. Speaking of pain, one of the most painful feelings in the world is typing 5:30 into your alarm clock. Gahhhhh

Darling, I'm lost

Dear Oakland,

In no way, shape, or form am I an agile person. In fact, I have an abominably low level of coordination. So, please... spare the joints of my lower extremities and my pride and shovel your side walks. I have eaten so much shit as I wobble and slide to campus lately, my eyes are starting to turn brown.

With minute amounts of love,

Sarah

On a side note, the snow that is piled high above the sewer vents are incidentally turning into igloos. The putrid steam (the steam that I am impetuously afraid to breathe in, as I feel like my lungs are filling with other's vaporized fecal matter) has melted the inner most parts of the mounds, creating a sort of hollowed out den. A haven for the homeless, perhaps.

Cat Power- Metal Heart (Moonpix or Jukebox version... take your pick)

They make all the right reasons to fuck it up.... You're gonna fuck it up.

Pre-genetics torture, I am enjoying left over tofu fajita burrita with soy sour cream and Against Me! in the background. I'm going to take my book to class and completely ignore everything my sixty-five year old, hornball professor says. Perhaps it will be a good day.

The story of my life...

I bite my tongue every time you come around.... 'cause blood in the mouth beats blood on the ground.

Food for thought.

"Just because you're an atheist, that doesn't mean that you wouldn't love for things to have reasons for why they are."

What if everyone swallowed little microphones and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers?

I made myself dinner for Valentine's Day... after skipping out on my nakey nap and refusing to do any form of school work. It was a terrible failure. How does one ruin buttered noodles? It is hard to imagine, but it happened. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that Dan hijacked the salt and pepper into his room. Regardless, it just further potentiates the pathetic factor of my life. For now, I am going to hang with my dates, left over boxed wine and Jonathan Safran Foer.......'s novel.

What are you? Stupid?

Random thoughts...

-While I have nothing but the biggest hearts for the Schaeffer children, riding in a car with all three of them for eighteen hours is a self inflicted torture chamber. A catalyst for mental calamity. An escape-less cube of doom. A situation that humanity must avoid at all costs. Either way, they are still some of my best buddies (excuse the indiscriminate annoyance that is attached to the aforementioned word).

-I just began reading a new book: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. When I say "just began"... I literally mean page eight. There was some sort of parallel universe link between the pages of my book and the volume dial of Eric's car. With each turn of the page, it seemed as if the volume raised. It was as if there was some sort of invisible connection from the corner of the pages that slowly pulled the circular knob closer to maximum intensity loudness. It got to the point where it was me or the music because I couldn't even recognize the words in my head due to the strength of the sound. Then, as soon as I gave up and closed the book, the music lowered itself back to a tolerable state. The same invisible connection was able to lower the sound as easily as it raised the sound. For whatever reason, it was working against me. The point is, this guy is funny. Hopefully, I will read more of it today once I stop being lazy.

-Refrain from breaking stranger's showers/bathroom walls. In Philadelphia this weekend, my vertigo set in as I stood up and stumbled harshly into a empty and excruciatingly hard bathtub with an unstable shower curtain as my only defense. Needless to say, I ripped that curtain and its bolts from their insecure, rotting walls. The jimmy-rigged curtain was an epic fail when the wire strung around the plant fell, too. Gosh, I hope they don't have any extenuating charges via my ridiculousness.

- I should thoroughly consider weight loss, seeing as how my friend drew a "stick" figure of me as a fat blob. Ouch.

-It's funny how much you (in the general use of the word) want something that is no longer there. Something that wasn't a necessity until it was truly gone. If David would have asked me to be his girlfriend the day that he died, I would have laughed at him. The only way I would have agreed would be out of spite and jealousy that he had someone when I did not. Now, though, it is a crushing pain and a harsh realization that we could never be. I would even go as far to say that it is paralyzing sometimes. Today, for example. Losing your v-card on v-day, so cliche and embarrassing. Regardless, it floods me with memories that render me weak in the stomach, wet in the eyes, and barely able to breathe. This happens with so many things... after three (sort of four) years of a relationship, there isn't much that doesn't at least kind of remind you of the person. His mom is finally going through his room and getting rid of some of his stuff. With his clothes, she is getting teddy bears made out of them. As selfish as it sounds, I'm kind of annoyed that certain people got picks before me (i.e. my "best friend" who had sex with him and lied to me about it until after he died... the best of timing).

-I mentioned Valentine's Day earlier, but I have the most insane, round about thought pattern that it is hard to construe what is going on up there in a feasible way. I am going to have the best of days... slept until two as a result of an 8 a.m. return home from NYC, made instant mashed potatoes that I ate while I uploaded photos to facebook, got a shower, made a stupid blog entry, going to take a nap (naked post-shower nap... the best), and later... I will be getting really romantic with a poster-board about acquired brain injury and emotional processing deficits. Dis iz duh lyfe.

-Help.

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things

Sleeping In on a Rainy Day – As the rain beats lightly against the window, you nestle your head deeper into your pillow. The sound is soothing and your bed feels like a sanctuary. There is no place you would rather be.
Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had – You reach into your pocket and find a $20 bill from the last time you wore these jeans. You aren’t rich, but you are richer than you were a second earlier.
Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex – You pass her on the street or in the subway. He glances up at you momentarily, making direct eye contact in a way that seems to communicate a subtle curiosity. For a split second it makes you think… and then it’s gone.
Skinny Dipping – There is something mysteriously liberating about being naked in a body of water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom.
Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail – E-mail has become the primary source of written communication. Most snail mail these days is junk mail. When you check the mail and find a real letter or package from someone you know, excitement overtakes you as you tear into this rare gift.
Making the Yellow Light - It’s one of the most common simple pleasures, the act of beating the pack. As you blaze through the yellow light you glance in your rearview to see all the cars behind you stopping at the red light. Yes! You made it!
Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story - One of the most enticing roles you lead in life is that of the storyteller. You love to share stories, especially those that will captivate your audience with deep curiosity and humor. There are few things more satisfying than telling a true story that others enjoy listening to.
Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself – As you walk across the street with your friend, he fails to accurately address the curb on the other side. He trips and stumbles around momentarily before regaining his footing, then swiftly attempts to play it off like nothing happened. This can be a hilarious sight if the moment is right.
Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment - It doesn’t matter what the setting is, hearing the right song for that moment is one of those simple pleasures in life that instantly lifts your spirits. You could be driving home from work, hanging out at a bar with friends, or jogging. When the right song rattles your ear drums the entire meaning of life seems crystal clear.
The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty – You just finished mowing the lawn or taking a long jog (or are waking up status post drunk). The only thing on your mind is an ice-cold glass of water. When you are really, really thirsty, that first sip of any liquid beverage is sheer bliss.
Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex – For guys, it’s when the waitress bends over a little too far. For girls it’s seeing that buff guy in a Speedo. Either way, when you see a bit more skin than you were expecting on the opposite sex, you can’t help but to smirk on the inside.
Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously – There is a moment of silence. Then all of the sudden you and your friend blurt out the same exact set of words simultaneously. This rare occurrence is something to smile about.
The Pull-Through Parking Spot – You pull into a parking spot and are delighted to see the availability of the parking spot immediately in front of you. You pull through to the spot in front so that when you return to the car you can drive forward out of the parking spot. Why? Because driving backwards is a pain in the butt.
Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep – Something abruptly awakens you and you think it’s time to get up. Then you squint over at your alarm clock and realize you still have 2 more hours to sleep. A warm euphoric feeling shoots though your body as you glide gracefully back to your dreams.
People Watching – Sitting there on your bench you can see people in every direction. Tall people, small people, thin and plump. Blond, brunette, and redhead alike. Each of them has a different stride and a unique expression. As you drift from body to body you are mesmerized by what you see.
Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer – As soon as the dryer buzzes, you pull out your clothes and put them on. They feel soothingly warm on your skin and emit a fresh-scented aroma into the air. A sentiment of ease comes over you as you head out to conquer the day.
A Familiar Smell – You just pulled into your parent’s driveway and opened the car door. You haven’t been home in a long while. You smell familiarity in the air, the scent of a large pine tree in the neighbor’s yard. As you head through the front door, more familiar smells consume your senses. Gosh, it feels good to be home…
The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works – You have been struggling to resolve a complex problem all day and you just can’t seem to get it right. Filled with frustration, you decide to exercise one last idea before calling it a night. You’ve had many ideas before that failed miserably… but this time it works.
Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets – You yank at the corner of the bedspread to create just enough space to slide your body under the freshly cleaned sheets. The sheets feel cool to the touch. Everything seems so clean, like nobody has ever slept in this bed before.
A Beautiful View – As the car veers around the side of the mountain you gaze out the passenger window. It’s a clear, sunny day and you can see the entire valley below filled with wild flowers and bright green vegetation. The scenery reminds you of something you once saw in National Geographic. But here it is live, right before your eyes.
Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends – Pink Floyd once said “the memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime”. There is no simple pleasure more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
Receiving an Unexpected Compliment – It’s been an average day. Nothing really great has happened, but nothing terrible occurred either. This monotonous day has put you in a dreary mood. Unexpectedly, an older, attractive lady taps you on the shoulder, calls you “handsome” and says she loves your shirt. The day just got a whole lot better.
Having a Good Laugh – Laughter is the greatest cure of all. Life is extraordinary in the moments when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe. These moments of deep laughter are divine in the sense that they cleanse your mood and set your mind on a positive track.
The Feeling After a Healthy Workout - It’s a giddy feeling of self accomplishment; the one true activity that actually makes you feel better and look better simultaneously. When you walk out the front door of the gym you are on top of the world.
The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense – Even now that it has explained to you for the third time, you just don’t understand how it works. Everyone else seems to understand but you. Then out of the blue the dots connect in your mind. You finally get it, and it feels great!
Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day – As you relax sprawled out in a lawn chair, the sun warms your skin and a light breeze keeps the temperature comfortable. Birds are chirping merrily in the trees behind you. You are at complete peace with the environment.
Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time he grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much he means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special.
Playing in the Water – Water marvels people of all ages. From jumping in puddles as a child, to doing cannon balls in the pool (or local waterfalls/natures secret water holes!) as an adolescent, to enjoying a cocktail in the Jacuzzi as an adult… water is enjoyable.
Making Someone Smile – You notice that your colleague has been under a great deal of stress with meeting a deadline, so you take it upon yourself to complete one of her indirect responsibilities for her. As soon as she realizes what you did, she comes into your office with a big smile on her face. “Thank you”, she says. You just hit two birds with one stone, because making her smile just made your day.
Finishing What You Started – You just finished up a big project you’ve been working on for the last few months, or maybe you just finished your first marathon… Either way, you finalized what you set out to accomplish. The feeling of self accomplishment you get when you finish what you started is by far one of the most rewarding simple pleasures life has to offer.

Oh, the little things, how I love thee.

I shouldn't have to be nearly brought to tears every time I think about going to clinical for nursing school... but I am. I think that I stuck with it for so long because, like they (whoever "they" is) say, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." Straight A's (well, close to it) has not made me happy. And, while it may not be broken yet, it is bent to the point of no return. I might need a life coach... or just the balls to change my direction. I'm twenty-two, i.e. in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't too late.



Which do you think is more accurate:
1. Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid
2. Smart girls are more depressed because they understand what's going on in the world
Perhaps they are slightly tangential concepts, but let me know your thoughts, virtual world.

The Earth is Not a Cold, Dead Place

Armed with six shirts, five pairs of pants, three pairs of socks (covered by plastic bags), a coat, two pairs of gloves, a scarf, and a hat, I set out to brave the fierce cold and hit the slopes of the Peterson Event Center with me mates. Mistakes were made as I pulled a sneak attack on Joe. Without a second thought, Joe rose from the ground faster than the speed of light and brutally attacked my defenseless body. Snow was shoved down every opening in my clothing that Joe could find. Later, Chris showed me the ramifications of a completely legal, justified, and perfect snowball pitch by chasing me down, pulling my feet from under me, and shoving my face into the snow while filling my hat with the powdery fluff. Immediate brain freeze to ensue. I suppose this may have been karma, for I did tackle some turd's snowman. You win some.... you lose some.

School has been canceled for three days. We have been in the house since Friday, more or less. Mine and Chris's actions via facebook last night show how truly insane we are becoming from being trapped in doors.

You're gonna be the one who saves me...

I believe that one of the better decisions I've made in my life was kissing the street performer in Australia. While roaming the streets of Surfer's Paradise one night, we stumbled across beautiful foreign men playing music on the corner. I had my sights set on the guitar player with long, dark hair. I made it a point to tell my friends how much I wanted to make out with him and they proceeded to shout this to him. Was this necessary? Probably not. Did it change my life? Kind of. In the midst of Oasis - Wonderwall, I grabbed the guitarist's head and kissed him while he continued to strum his music machine. All of the people gathered on the corner cheered as one of the more epic events of my life took place. After the public intimate session, we exchanged a smile and never crossed paths again. Perhaps some day....

If I knew some of Dave's lyrics to "The Neighbors" song, they would be my title

This morning was an interesting one. A gathering of a truly versatile and unlikely group crowded in the streets. Seeing as how Pittsburgh does not care much about the safety of it's residents who must use roadways, the five hundred block of Melwood Avenue pulled together in true neighbor fashion. The white-power punk, the Armenian hit-man/pimp, the fifty-something year old creep with no teeth and subtle sass, the unfamiliar foreign midget who appeared from the woodwork, Chris, Noelle, Alex, and myself pushed and pulled and shoveled several vehicles to safety. Actually, I was just more of the cheerleader, seeing as how I fell twice while doing nothing but standing there. Whoops! My feet just flew out from under me and I crashed onto a fluffy cushion (a.k.a. my ass) while my fingers hyperextended in an unnatural way (my fingers have a freakish degree of extension, but this was bad for even them). When all was said and done and Chris's and my 9 a.m. deadline become 11:36 a.m., we traveled down to Melwood and Baum behind Noelle. The silly girl was turning right and pummeled her machine straight into the massive bank of snow. I actually did have to help Chris push this time. Me, zero muscle mass and slippery fashion boots on, pushing a car from the midst of a semi-busy street. It was a sight to see, I am sure.

For now, Chris and I are being the quintessential all-dayers at Panera who buy a small coffee (with free refills!) and scam all the free Wi-Fi our little hearts can handle. Must get back to work. Must complete some work so that I can go to Philadelphia this weekend.

Tangential note, going to Philly with a Community exam on Monday... sure to do poorly. The second of only two exams in the class falls on the Monday after my cousin's big bash of a wedding (the girl is going to have more alcohol that should be allowed). Failure to ensue....

I was young... like six........ maybe eleven

Snow days at Melwood... the best of times. I shouldn't drunk blog. I should delete drunk blogs... but I am going to leave it up so I can see it in a month and recall how embarrassing I truly am. The realization of that embarrassment will, hopefully, render me smarter. Lessons learned.

".....I never saw that guy again......"

Ben Kweller - Thirteen

I want to sit in the shower. I want to pull the curtain when the unwanted are lurking. I want to go to a castle. I want to sleep through my 8 a.m. exam as a direct result of late night adventures. I want an amazing view. I want innocence. I want unknown. There is no use in wanting. You get what you need.

This snow storm might be "paralyzing" but it is beautiful... the worst to hit PA in years. The tree outside of the house is collapsing. Perhaps it represents the significance of the demise of Melwood and the crew that came with it all. How things have change from the first night I saw the digs. Here's you to, 504. It's been a good run, buddy.

We played Apples to Apples and hide-and-go-seek in the dark. It was a good night. There is no use in complaining. And, on top of that, no need.

A bird with clipped wings can still sing

This morning, I reluctantly rolled out of the single person bed that was not mine. I uncomfortably shared the small space last night and woke up with an aching neck. Showerless, I drug my feet in shame - head down, face hidden - to my destination. The shirt I was wearing had not been removed from my body in days and the armpits had acquired the slightest scent of my natural body odors covered by an organic deodorant. My makeup from the night before was smeared and barely covering the stress pimple that has mutated into a third eye in between my two "God" given ones. My crazed hair was concealed by my trusty knit cap and my "skinny jeans" were stretched (from wear) nearly to the point of flare. It was quite the disgrace. But I had been up late night studying and had not been home in over thirty hours. Genetics, you will be the death of me.

I almost watched the season premier to the final season of LOST tonight... but after watching the introduction, I decided against it. Skipping seasons four and five is not conducive to understanding what is going on in the show. I'd be so lost (har har) had I continued on the endeavor.

Instead, I watched the finale of "Teen Mom" on MTV and stalked pictures of Chan Marshall. It was no comparison. However, the latter of the two events inspired me (perhaps in the wrong way) to bring back my bangs. Questionable. They fit Ms. Power much more than they fit me.

Since this is "doppelganger" week, or whatever, I've decided to introduce mine on here. I am often told that I look like Maggie Gyllenhaall. I have yet to decide whether or not this is a good thing....