Something that makes you feel good...

Remove

Dan McGhee i wish you felt as pretty as you are

July 28 at 7:12pm · Comment · · See Wall-to-Wall

• 
  

  Kayla Strutt-Boggess, Lena Caroline Berry and Eric Paul Schaeffer like this.

Who the hell can sleep forever?

Please, remember me fondly.

It's the good advice that you just didn't take....

"He confessed to his affairs with . . . Sarah Visconti; but both women, he claimed, were so vindictive that he was now 'more cruelly punished than you would have wished had you wanted revenge'. Whether or not he believed himself, it shows how desperate he was not to let [his "love"] slip away at the last. His affairs, he insisted, had been purely medicinal - refreshments for the athlete - and most of what she heard about him was preposterous."

-Balzac: A Biography

This is what I found when I Googled my name. Ironic.... to say the least.

Yoko OH NO

I don't know how to upload a video, but this is so good:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKcCfQKI_js

Don't let me down.

Spending my morning dancing around my mum's living room like a retarded ballerina to The Beatles and trying to figure out how to get a job in Ireland. It's not going as well as planned; I am completely incompetent and 100% dependent on others. I need to make moves, though. Speaking of moves, I have to go back to Pittsburgh in twenty minutes. There isn't a bone in my body that wants to....

A love that lasts forever. A love that has no past.

"If I had your number...." Ugh, blowing it left and right. The game needs me, but I don't want the game anymore.

Besides, this is the only man who will ever have my heart in its entirety:

George Harrison, the best of humans.




Celebrating Lena's birthday tonight. All dressed up with nowhere to go. I'm still hungover from all the free Jaegar Bombs last night (it is 8:59 p.m.). Gross. Must. Snap. Out. Of. My. Current. Funk. Perhaps listening to something more cheerful than Jeff Buckley would help. Love you anyways, Jeff. Perhaps leaving my dark incense filled room would help, too. Oi, where is everyone?

If I could do anything, I'd build a movie theater on the moon

It's like windshield fluid. It cleans my windows and clears off all the bullshit that has accumulated. But when it's are cold, it crystalizes, becomes hard, and obstructs my view tenfold worse than what it ever was. In this form, though, it is so abstractly beautiful. How can it be so extreme on opposite ends of the spectrum? The wipers sweep and it's gone as quickly as it came. Although, as fortunate or unfortunate as it may be, it always comes back.

I want this to be my life:

"The walls of the shed collapsed one autumn afternoon - "a leaf too many," her father joked - and the next day he made new walls of shelves, so that the books themselves would separate inside form outside. (The new, overhanging roof protected the books from rain, but during the winter the pages would freeze, come spring, they let out a sigh). He made a little salon the the space, carpets, two small couches, he loved to go out there in the evenings with a glass of whiskey and a pipe, and take down books and look through the wall at the center of the city."

.....Sans the whole Nazi Germany thing....

Should have went to bed earlier, as I am exhausted anyways.... but I stayed up to witness how incredibly insane Shaun White is on the snowboard. He killed everyone. It's almost unfair how good some people are at things while I am so painfully mediocre. Speaking of pain, one of the most painful feelings in the world is typing 5:30 into your alarm clock. Gahhhhh

Darling, I'm lost

Dear Oakland,

In no way, shape, or form am I an agile person. In fact, I have an abominably low level of coordination. So, please... spare the joints of my lower extremities and my pride and shovel your side walks. I have eaten so much shit as I wobble and slide to campus lately, my eyes are starting to turn brown.

With minute amounts of love,

Sarah

On a side note, the snow that is piled high above the sewer vents are incidentally turning into igloos. The putrid steam (the steam that I am impetuously afraid to breathe in, as I feel like my lungs are filling with other's vaporized fecal matter) has melted the inner most parts of the mounds, creating a sort of hollowed out den. A haven for the homeless, perhaps.

Cat Power- Metal Heart (Moonpix or Jukebox version... take your pick)

They make all the right reasons to fuck it up.... You're gonna fuck it up.

Pre-genetics torture, I am enjoying left over tofu fajita burrita with soy sour cream and Against Me! in the background. I'm going to take my book to class and completely ignore everything my sixty-five year old, hornball professor says. Perhaps it will be a good day.

The story of my life...

I bite my tongue every time you come around.... 'cause blood in the mouth beats blood on the ground.

Food for thought.

"Just because you're an atheist, that doesn't mean that you wouldn't love for things to have reasons for why they are."

What if everyone swallowed little microphones and they played the sounds of our hearts through little speakers?

I made myself dinner for Valentine's Day... after skipping out on my nakey nap and refusing to do any form of school work. It was a terrible failure. How does one ruin buttered noodles? It is hard to imagine, but it happened. I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that Dan hijacked the salt and pepper into his room. Regardless, it just further potentiates the pathetic factor of my life. For now, I am going to hang with my dates, left over boxed wine and Jonathan Safran Foer.......'s novel.

What are you? Stupid?

Random thoughts...

-While I have nothing but the biggest hearts for the Schaeffer children, riding in a car with all three of them for eighteen hours is a self inflicted torture chamber. A catalyst for mental calamity. An escape-less cube of doom. A situation that humanity must avoid at all costs. Either way, they are still some of my best buddies (excuse the indiscriminate annoyance that is attached to the aforementioned word).

-I just began reading a new book: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. When I say "just began"... I literally mean page eight. There was some sort of parallel universe link between the pages of my book and the volume dial of Eric's car. With each turn of the page, it seemed as if the volume raised. It was as if there was some sort of invisible connection from the corner of the pages that slowly pulled the circular knob closer to maximum intensity loudness. It got to the point where it was me or the music because I couldn't even recognize the words in my head due to the strength of the sound. Then, as soon as I gave up and closed the book, the music lowered itself back to a tolerable state. The same invisible connection was able to lower the sound as easily as it raised the sound. For whatever reason, it was working against me. The point is, this guy is funny. Hopefully, I will read more of it today once I stop being lazy.

-Refrain from breaking stranger's showers/bathroom walls. In Philadelphia this weekend, my vertigo set in as I stood up and stumbled harshly into a empty and excruciatingly hard bathtub with an unstable shower curtain as my only defense. Needless to say, I ripped that curtain and its bolts from their insecure, rotting walls. The jimmy-rigged curtain was an epic fail when the wire strung around the plant fell, too. Gosh, I hope they don't have any extenuating charges via my ridiculousness.

- I should thoroughly consider weight loss, seeing as how my friend drew a "stick" figure of me as a fat blob. Ouch.

-It's funny how much you (in the general use of the word) want something that is no longer there. Something that wasn't a necessity until it was truly gone. If David would have asked me to be his girlfriend the day that he died, I would have laughed at him. The only way I would have agreed would be out of spite and jealousy that he had someone when I did not. Now, though, it is a crushing pain and a harsh realization that we could never be. I would even go as far to say that it is paralyzing sometimes. Today, for example. Losing your v-card on v-day, so cliche and embarrassing. Regardless, it floods me with memories that render me weak in the stomach, wet in the eyes, and barely able to breathe. This happens with so many things... after three (sort of four) years of a relationship, there isn't much that doesn't at least kind of remind you of the person. His mom is finally going through his room and getting rid of some of his stuff. With his clothes, she is getting teddy bears made out of them. As selfish as it sounds, I'm kind of annoyed that certain people got picks before me (i.e. my "best friend" who had sex with him and lied to me about it until after he died... the best of timing).

-I mentioned Valentine's Day earlier, but I have the most insane, round about thought pattern that it is hard to construe what is going on up there in a feasible way. I am going to have the best of days... slept until two as a result of an 8 a.m. return home from NYC, made instant mashed potatoes that I ate while I uploaded photos to facebook, got a shower, made a stupid blog entry, going to take a nap (naked post-shower nap... the best), and later... I will be getting really romantic with a poster-board about acquired brain injury and emotional processing deficits. Dis iz duh lyfe.

-Help.

Rule 32: Enjoy the Little Things

Sleeping In on a Rainy Day – As the rain beats lightly against the window, you nestle your head deeper into your pillow. The sound is soothing and your bed feels like a sanctuary. There is no place you would rather be.
Finding Money You Didn’t Know You Had – You reach into your pocket and find a $20 bill from the last time you wore these jeans. You aren’t rich, but you are richer than you were a second earlier.
Making Brief Eye Contact with Someone of the Opposite Sex – You pass her on the street or in the subway. He glances up at you momentarily, making direct eye contact in a way that seems to communicate a subtle curiosity. For a split second it makes you think… and then it’s gone.
Skinny Dipping – There is something mysteriously liberating about being naked in a body of water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom.
Receiving a Real Letter or Package via Snail Mail – E-mail has become the primary source of written communication. Most snail mail these days is junk mail. When you check the mail and find a real letter or package from someone you know, excitement overtakes you as you tear into this rare gift.
Making the Yellow Light - It’s one of the most common simple pleasures, the act of beating the pack. As you blaze through the yellow light you glance in your rearview to see all the cars behind you stopping at the red light. Yes! You made it!
Telling a Funny or Interesting, True Story - One of the most enticing roles you lead in life is that of the storyteller. You love to share stories, especially those that will captivate your audience with deep curiosity and humor. There are few things more satisfying than telling a true story that others enjoy listening to.
Seeing a Friend Stumble Over Himself – As you walk across the street with your friend, he fails to accurately address the curb on the other side. He trips and stumbles around momentarily before regaining his footing, then swiftly attempts to play it off like nothing happened. This can be a hilarious sight if the moment is right.
Hearing the Right Song at the Right Moment - It doesn’t matter what the setting is, hearing the right song for that moment is one of those simple pleasures in life that instantly lifts your spirits. You could be driving home from work, hanging out at a bar with friends, or jogging. When the right song rattles your ear drums the entire meaning of life seems crystal clear.
The First Sip of a Beverage When You’re Thirsty – You just finished mowing the lawn or taking a long jog (or are waking up status post drunk). The only thing on your mind is an ice-cold glass of water. When you are really, really thirsty, that first sip of any liquid beverage is sheer bliss.
Catching a Glimpse of Bare Skin on the Opposite Sex – For guys, it’s when the waitress bends over a little too far. For girls it’s seeing that buff guy in a Speedo. Either way, when you see a bit more skin than you were expecting on the opposite sex, you can’t help but to smirk on the inside.
Saying the Same Thing Simultaneously – There is a moment of silence. Then all of the sudden you and your friend blurt out the same exact set of words simultaneously. This rare occurrence is something to smile about.
The Pull-Through Parking Spot – You pull into a parking spot and are delighted to see the availability of the parking spot immediately in front of you. You pull through to the spot in front so that when you return to the car you can drive forward out of the parking spot. Why? Because driving backwards is a pain in the butt.
Realizing You Have More Time to Sleep – Something abruptly awakens you and you think it’s time to get up. Then you squint over at your alarm clock and realize you still have 2 more hours to sleep. A warm euphoric feeling shoots though your body as you glide gracefully back to your dreams.
People Watching – Sitting there on your bench you can see people in every direction. Tall people, small people, thin and plump. Blond, brunette, and redhead alike. Each of them has a different stride and a unique expression. As you drift from body to body you are mesmerized by what you see.
Putting On Clothes Straight from the Dryer – As soon as the dryer buzzes, you pull out your clothes and put them on. They feel soothingly warm on your skin and emit a fresh-scented aroma into the air. A sentiment of ease comes over you as you head out to conquer the day.
A Familiar Smell – You just pulled into your parent’s driveway and opened the car door. You haven’t been home in a long while. You smell familiarity in the air, the scent of a large pine tree in the neighbor’s yard. As you head through the front door, more familiar smells consume your senses. Gosh, it feels good to be home…
The Feeling You Get When Your Idea Works – You have been struggling to resolve a complex problem all day and you just can’t seem to get it right. Filled with frustration, you decide to exercise one last idea before calling it a night. You’ve had many ideas before that failed miserably… but this time it works.
Fresh, Clean Bed Sheets – You yank at the corner of the bedspread to create just enough space to slide your body under the freshly cleaned sheets. The sheets feel cool to the touch. Everything seems so clean, like nobody has ever slept in this bed before.
A Beautiful View – As the car veers around the side of the mountain you gaze out the passenger window. It’s a clear, sunny day and you can see the entire valley below filled with wild flowers and bright green vegetation. The scenery reminds you of something you once saw in National Geographic. But here it is live, right before your eyes.
Reminiscing About Old Times with Your Closest Friends – Pink Floyd once said “the memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime”. There is no simple pleasure more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.
Receiving an Unexpected Compliment – It’s been an average day. Nothing really great has happened, but nothing terrible occurred either. This monotonous day has put you in a dreary mood. Unexpectedly, an older, attractive lady taps you on the shoulder, calls you “handsome” and says she loves your shirt. The day just got a whole lot better.
Having a Good Laugh – Laughter is the greatest cure of all. Life is extraordinary in the moments when you are laughing so hard you can barely breathe. These moments of deep laughter are divine in the sense that they cleanse your mood and set your mind on a positive track.
The Feeling After a Healthy Workout - It’s a giddy feeling of self accomplishment; the one true activity that actually makes you feel better and look better simultaneously. When you walk out the front door of the gym you are on top of the world.
The Celebration in the Instant Something Makes Sense – Even now that it has explained to you for the third time, you just don’t understand how it works. Everyone else seems to understand but you. Then out of the blue the dots connect in your mind. You finally get it, and it feels great!
Relaxing Outdoors on a Sunny Day – As you relax sprawled out in a lawn chair, the sun warms your skin and a light breeze keeps the temperature comfortable. Birds are chirping merrily in the trees behind you. You are at complete peace with the environment.
Holding Hands with Someone You Love – Every time he grabs your hand you are overcome with an awareness of how much he means to you. Holding hands is sensual and physically intimate, yet subtle. There are few people you allow to hold your hand, so when it happens you can be sure that the moment is special.
Playing in the Water – Water marvels people of all ages. From jumping in puddles as a child, to doing cannon balls in the pool (or local waterfalls/natures secret water holes!) as an adolescent, to enjoying a cocktail in the Jacuzzi as an adult… water is enjoyable.
Making Someone Smile – You notice that your colleague has been under a great deal of stress with meeting a deadline, so you take it upon yourself to complete one of her indirect responsibilities for her. As soon as she realizes what you did, she comes into your office with a big smile on her face. “Thank you”, she says. You just hit two birds with one stone, because making her smile just made your day.
Finishing What You Started – You just finished up a big project you’ve been working on for the last few months, or maybe you just finished your first marathon… Either way, you finalized what you set out to accomplish. The feeling of self accomplishment you get when you finish what you started is by far one of the most rewarding simple pleasures life has to offer.

Oh, the little things, how I love thee.

I shouldn't have to be nearly brought to tears every time I think about going to clinical for nursing school... but I am. I think that I stuck with it for so long because, like they (whoever "they" is) say, "If it's not broken, don't fix it." Straight A's (well, close to it) has not made me happy. And, while it may not be broken yet, it is bent to the point of no return. I might need a life coach... or just the balls to change my direction. I'm twenty-two, i.e. in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't too late.



Which do you think is more accurate:
1. Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid
2. Smart girls are more depressed because they understand what's going on in the world
Perhaps they are slightly tangential concepts, but let me know your thoughts, virtual world.

The Earth is Not a Cold, Dead Place

Armed with six shirts, five pairs of pants, three pairs of socks (covered by plastic bags), a coat, two pairs of gloves, a scarf, and a hat, I set out to brave the fierce cold and hit the slopes of the Peterson Event Center with me mates. Mistakes were made as I pulled a sneak attack on Joe. Without a second thought, Joe rose from the ground faster than the speed of light and brutally attacked my defenseless body. Snow was shoved down every opening in my clothing that Joe could find. Later, Chris showed me the ramifications of a completely legal, justified, and perfect snowball pitch by chasing me down, pulling my feet from under me, and shoving my face into the snow while filling my hat with the powdery fluff. Immediate brain freeze to ensue. I suppose this may have been karma, for I did tackle some turd's snowman. You win some.... you lose some.

School has been canceled for three days. We have been in the house since Friday, more or less. Mine and Chris's actions via facebook last night show how truly insane we are becoming from being trapped in doors.

You're gonna be the one who saves me...

I believe that one of the better decisions I've made in my life was kissing the street performer in Australia. While roaming the streets of Surfer's Paradise one night, we stumbled across beautiful foreign men playing music on the corner. I had my sights set on the guitar player with long, dark hair. I made it a point to tell my friends how much I wanted to make out with him and they proceeded to shout this to him. Was this necessary? Probably not. Did it change my life? Kind of. In the midst of Oasis - Wonderwall, I grabbed the guitarist's head and kissed him while he continued to strum his music machine. All of the people gathered on the corner cheered as one of the more epic events of my life took place. After the public intimate session, we exchanged a smile and never crossed paths again. Perhaps some day....

If I knew some of Dave's lyrics to "The Neighbors" song, they would be my title

This morning was an interesting one. A gathering of a truly versatile and unlikely group crowded in the streets. Seeing as how Pittsburgh does not care much about the safety of it's residents who must use roadways, the five hundred block of Melwood Avenue pulled together in true neighbor fashion. The white-power punk, the Armenian hit-man/pimp, the fifty-something year old creep with no teeth and subtle sass, the unfamiliar foreign midget who appeared from the woodwork, Chris, Noelle, Alex, and myself pushed and pulled and shoveled several vehicles to safety. Actually, I was just more of the cheerleader, seeing as how I fell twice while doing nothing but standing there. Whoops! My feet just flew out from under me and I crashed onto a fluffy cushion (a.k.a. my ass) while my fingers hyperextended in an unnatural way (my fingers have a freakish degree of extension, but this was bad for even them). When all was said and done and Chris's and my 9 a.m. deadline become 11:36 a.m., we traveled down to Melwood and Baum behind Noelle. The silly girl was turning right and pummeled her machine straight into the massive bank of snow. I actually did have to help Chris push this time. Me, zero muscle mass and slippery fashion boots on, pushing a car from the midst of a semi-busy street. It was a sight to see, I am sure.

For now, Chris and I are being the quintessential all-dayers at Panera who buy a small coffee (with free refills!) and scam all the free Wi-Fi our little hearts can handle. Must get back to work. Must complete some work so that I can go to Philadelphia this weekend.

Tangential note, going to Philly with a Community exam on Monday... sure to do poorly. The second of only two exams in the class falls on the Monday after my cousin's big bash of a wedding (the girl is going to have more alcohol that should be allowed). Failure to ensue....

I was young... like six........ maybe eleven

Snow days at Melwood... the best of times. I shouldn't drunk blog. I should delete drunk blogs... but I am going to leave it up so I can see it in a month and recall how embarrassing I truly am. The realization of that embarrassment will, hopefully, render me smarter. Lessons learned.

".....I never saw that guy again......"

Ben Kweller - Thirteen

I want to sit in the shower. I want to pull the curtain when the unwanted are lurking. I want to go to a castle. I want to sleep through my 8 a.m. exam as a direct result of late night adventures. I want an amazing view. I want innocence. I want unknown. There is no use in wanting. You get what you need.

This snow storm might be "paralyzing" but it is beautiful... the worst to hit PA in years. The tree outside of the house is collapsing. Perhaps it represents the significance of the demise of Melwood and the crew that came with it all. How things have change from the first night I saw the digs. Here's you to, 504. It's been a good run, buddy.

We played Apples to Apples and hide-and-go-seek in the dark. It was a good night. There is no use in complaining. And, on top of that, no need.

A bird with clipped wings can still sing

This morning, I reluctantly rolled out of the single person bed that was not mine. I uncomfortably shared the small space last night and woke up with an aching neck. Showerless, I drug my feet in shame - head down, face hidden - to my destination. The shirt I was wearing had not been removed from my body in days and the armpits had acquired the slightest scent of my natural body odors covered by an organic deodorant. My makeup from the night before was smeared and barely covering the stress pimple that has mutated into a third eye in between my two "God" given ones. My crazed hair was concealed by my trusty knit cap and my "skinny jeans" were stretched (from wear) nearly to the point of flare. It was quite the disgrace. But I had been up late night studying and had not been home in over thirty hours. Genetics, you will be the death of me.

I almost watched the season premier to the final season of LOST tonight... but after watching the introduction, I decided against it. Skipping seasons four and five is not conducive to understanding what is going on in the show. I'd be so lost (har har) had I continued on the endeavor.

Instead, I watched the finale of "Teen Mom" on MTV and stalked pictures of Chan Marshall. It was no comparison. However, the latter of the two events inspired me (perhaps in the wrong way) to bring back my bangs. Questionable. They fit Ms. Power much more than they fit me.

Since this is "doppelganger" week, or whatever, I've decided to introduce mine on here. I am often told that I look like Maggie Gyllenhaall. I have yet to decide whether or not this is a good thing....

A bad - at best - metaphor to my life...

I've been twenty-two for one third of a year and that is terrifying to me. I've done nothing substantial, I'm doing nothing substantial, and I have nothing substantial. The most frightening part is that I don't know how to change it. It's like I've gotten off at the wrong exit. It's like my cruise control is stuck on and keeps rolling me unavoidably forward. It's like my steering wheel is locked and is forcing me in an unwanted direction. I feel like I'm waiting to completely run out of gas or break down so that I can hope for someone to save me. And that, that's a terrible way to feel.

Maybe I'm exhausted? It's awfully hard to fall asleep as of late and damn near impossible to wake up. The unfortunate bags under my eyes are darkening and becoming more obnoxious. I'm slipping at the only thing I've ever been "good" at due to a serious case of apathy. Being good at school is no more than mediocre, though, and nothing to be all too proud of.

I need a new car.

Alright, Miss Lonely....

Last night began with the man at the liquor store saying to Eric and myself, "Aren't you guys glad that you're regulars?!" Is that really something to be glad about? Being a local at an alcohol store? Well, define "glad". Then, Eric and I went to a play entitled Sex a.k.a. Weiners and Boobs. It was pretty funny and worth braving the bitter, frigid cold that damn near caused frost bite leading to loss of phalanges/limb. Upon return to Melwood, a small crew had gathered. Enter mass amounts of drinks (SHOTS) and giggles. It was the most fun I've had here in a while. It was a good thing. It made me realize how much I really do enjoy my buds. Eric and I ended the night with serious heart to hearts under a mountain of blankets. However, I might be suffering from an epidural hemorrhage (compliments of Dan). That is, post-blunt force trauma, blood began to fill between my skull and the first layer of meninges (the dura matter). The pressure in my brain is going to rise until the ventricles shift and I show symptoms of a stroke (hemiplegia on my left side and extremely dilated pupil on the right side.... I got hit on the left so I will herniate to the right... the deviation will be a counter-coup, secondary injury... how did I only get a 79 on my exam?!). To ensure an ultimate demise, the contents of my brain will seek pressure relief in the most extreme of ways; they will shove through the foramen magnum at the base of my skull and turn my entire existence to mush. I suppose that the final result of perishing can be validated by saying that it was a good evening. I am kind of hoping for some sort of injury so that I can procrastinate my school work for an even longer amount of time.

My friends are coming for the evening. I am excited to see them. We were going to see Anti-Christ tonight, but the Pittsburgh theater cut its showings. Bummer.

And maybe I'm dumb for making you smile...

Alright, so I know I've recently talked some pretty heavy shit on the gynecologist... it was a natural defense mechanism to an uncomfortable situation in my life. However, I'm reaping what I sew, getting what I deserved, feeling the karmic retributions and have been forced into submission to become a part of the opposing force: I have my community nursing clinical at an STD clinic. I now have insight to the other side and the grass is NOT greener. So, here it is...

The Gyno Reprise

First of all, I am not judging you... I am just sick of having your (in the general term) oozing, dripping, crusty, and/or blistered vagina/penis (again, in the general term) thrown into my tortured face fifty times a day. WEAR A GOD DAMN CONDOM. I don't care how good it feels without; the blisters are a brutal ache and the urethra burns like hell when your infected piss - if even able - flows from it. Not to mention, no guy or girl is going to want to fornicate with the green mucous flowing from every meatus or orifice in your bubbly, moldy/rotten cauliflower look-a-like, wart-ridden unmentionable area. A condom makes sex less appealing? Any sex (eeeek... well, most sex) is better than no sex.

Answer: I've never had an STD and I only have one partner. We try to stay pretty monogamous. She's popping one out in like, I don't know... soon?

Thought: Oh, really? Just one partner? Because these radioactive looking sores on your cock (that are about to bust in my face) are sure as shit pretty damn new. What is a man's definition of "monogamy", anyway?

Answer: Well, I've only had one partner... but he told me he just contracted chlamydia (cue immediate protrusion of tears that lead to a near syncopal episode related to hyperventilation).

Thought: Fuck, my condolences are so awkward. Should I open her a pack of tissues? Please, please don't pass out on my watch. Damn it, I'm the worst.

Answer: Um.. I don't know. Girl's like me love 'em and leave 'em. Plus, I ain't going to tell the boys nothin'. They'll get the disease they deserve.

Thought: YOU! You are the spawn of Satin spreading the putrid disease around the middle school! You are the devil reincarnate who is forcing young men into the clinic where they flap their immature peens covered in the disgusting God knows what in my face! You ...I hate you.

Thought: Eighty two? Really? EIGHTY TWO YEARS OLD? How? Why? What?!? Is there seriously an eighty two year old man at the STD clinic? This exam is going to be not only painful, but I am going to be traumatized for the rest of my life. Jesus, I hope he didn't take his Viagra today... I don't want anything to pop up while I fondle his sagging, yet shriveled, junk. Welp, here goes nothing.....

Thought: Seriously, the state needs to send more funding. We need eye protection here. I'm not about to laser off this dudes anal condylomata so that they can vaporize, rise to my nose/eyes, and infest the shit out of my innocent face. Waaaah.... Eff my life.

Thought: I'm not sure what your definition of "spread" is... but there is no way anyone or anything got through this clenched knee barricade causing the series of unfortunate events that brought you in here today. I don't want to be all up in that dark cave of unknown sights, smells, and sounds any more than you want to eat post-Indian food shit, but it's my job. So, please, work with me, woman!

Thought: What was I thinking when I signed up for this? I'm elbow deep in this girl's thighs and I just felt her chest for lumps. Ugh, boobs are so weird sometimes. I need to say something to distract myself from gagging at my current actions. What the hell do you say at a time like this?

The human instinct side of me kicked in every time a guy dropped his pants; my heart would flutter, my teeth would clinch to my curled lower lip, and my hands produced a minute amount perspiration. Then, I remembered that these weiners are sloppy seconds with herpes, warts, clap, chlamydia, and the likes clung to, stuck up in, and exploding out of it. In any other circumstance, I might have to attack a cute one by the end of the day... but these peens are world's biggest turn off. No wonder the gyno crews have downhill relationships since the nineties; their job is the most massive clock block EVER.

Moral of the story, kiddies: DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER... you never know what the inside pages will read. However, I'm still probably going to revert to my original gynecologist thoughts when I'm not on enemy turf.

Today's positives:

1. I passed my "Mid-Curricular Exam" for the nursing school. All this means is that I have a good chance of passing my nursing licensing exam after graduation. I suppose this is a good thing, seeing as how the past four years have not been a complete waste of countless hours and eight grand.

2. I fell in love with the beautiful barista boy at Kiva Han. We might get married... he just doesn't know it yet.

3. My period has arrived. In normal circumstances, this would be a bummer. But, after eight long days of it staking out and driving me quietly insane... its presence is graciously welcomed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T2NMuzpWi4&feature=related

Langhorne Slim - Worries

ATTENTION!

To my beautiful, smoking friends with whom I'd like to grow old and haggard... a recent article published in a nursing genetics magazine has released breaking news ("breaking" in my terms, not theirs): eating green, leafy veggies helps to protect against the genetic changes that are associate with lung cancer. So (!), eat up and suck down! Ruv yew.

Currently trying to decide if it's more foolish to quit college while I am one semester from graduation, or to follow through with a career that I more than detest and forever will. hmmm....

I don't really want to be the queen.

When I become writer (haha) this is going to be my tranquil and serene get away where I clear my mind and write stories of fanciful, whimsical, and all together fucked up plot lines:

I'll take a picnic basket of organic, vegan foods and lug an old typewriter that doesn't permit copies or allow me to save the shit lines that I'll end up tearing up and tossing out. I will most likely allow my ADD to kick in and I will be distracted by the reflection of the clouds on the lake and twist their appearance into whatever shape/structure/being my mind can conjure up. It will be a good life.

It just seems natural; you and me against the world...

The Greco-Romans once had a tall-tale (for lack of a better word) about witches, about good versus evil. They said that there are two types of witches - day witches and night witches. The day witches are good and nurturing while the night witches are secretive and bent on destroying all civilization.

Which would I be... which would I be? Definitely night. While it is a far extreme to aspire to cause the damnation of humanity and all it's links to this Earth, being a night witch would be vastly superior and entertaining. The mystery of them alone is enough to intrigue one to their romantic lifestyle. Their desire to end civilization is probably a just one, considering how terrible most humans actually are. Jenny, though, wants to be a day witch. First of all, she doesn't wake up earlier enough to join this branch of the cult... she thinks that 11 a.m. is "early" morning. Secondly, in what ways is she good and/or nurturing? Exactly... none. Plus, what kind of vampire would chose the day witch lifestyle? You fail Jennifer Karen Schaeffer... epically.

Save me... please, SAVE ME!!! And take me here:

Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage he's done...

The gynocologist, though? You walk in awkward as all hell because you know what your fate will be in a just a few short minutes... but you're more fresh than you've been in God knows how long because you've showered for an hour and scrubbed the shit out of your soon to be examined crotch. Then, a nurse asks you questions to which the answers you don't even want to admit to yourself... let alone some judging stranger. You know, the whole gyno crew does nothing but judge all day. Don't judge me... sex is natural AND I think that some of your judgement comes from the fact that you're stuck in a shitty, monogamous relationship that has been on a down hill spiral since 1992.

Q:Do I ALWAYS use condoms?
A:No. I'm a suffering college student; I can't afford that shit. Not to mention, sex is a rarity... if there isn't protection at my immediate disposal, I'm not going slam the breaks and hope that a reoccurance doesn't hibernate for ANOTHER twelve months.

Q:Do Iknow the repercussions of my actions?
A:I'm not eight anymore... yes, I know what can happen. But sex feels so much better (and it flows more fluidly) without the smelly cum catchers in the picture.

Q:Am I ready to deal with the consequenses?
A:Fuck no, I'm not ready for a baby... but that sure as shit wasn't a part of my thought pattern at the time. I was acting in my natural animal instinct and taking care of business. Thank you, though, for reminding me that I am a twenty two year old piece of shit who lacks the physical means and mental maturity to care for herself, let alone another human life. Plus, I'm kind of banking on the fact that my body knows better than to allow any sort of fertilization to ensue.

Q:Does my partner have other partners?
A:Ugh, probably?... I don't know nor do I care to know.

Q (more of a statement/judgement that a question, but...):Well, dear, having this sort of conversation with your partner is very important.
A:Listen, lady... a girl's got needs and it's none of my business what my "partner" is doing when he isn't satisfying the aforementioned needs.

After this demeaning interview, you go into the exam room and that's when you enter true Hell on Earth. You're sitting there, embarrassed and naked... half exposed because the gown needs to be open in the front so that the doctor can fondle your boobies while trying to make the experience less constrained with terrible conversation ending with a (not-so-funny) joke about flopping your feet into the slings and skooching your bum to the edge of the table. Ugh, then the doctor breaks out the massive light the glares warm on all your unmentionables. As if the image isn't disgusting enough au naturel, the beaming imperfection finder picks out all of the super nasties by illuminating every this, that, and the next thing of your perineum.

"Alright, dear, now just spread your knees a little more.... a little more..... just a little more...." What the hell, doc? What on Earth could you be shoving up there that my legs need to be split and spread from sea to shining sea? Cheese and rice... the next few minutes are some of the most uncomfortable minutes in a girl's life. Minutes that she subconsciously dreads all year long. There is good news, though. My doctor told me that I had an "A+ vagina" (that damn judging again). I'm going to brag a bit and say that to have a vagina of such stature is quite the accomplishment... but who the fuck says that? What do you say back to something like that? Ugh... can I get dressed now? God, I hope I can get dressed now.

After the gyno, I went to my grandparent's house to get an adjustment from my pap - a chiropractor - since I've been sick. I told them where I was coming from and I got the third degree about being pregnant (they've got more bastard grandchildren than I can count on one hand). Again... there is good news. My grandma slipped a twenty into my cleavage (eeek, embarrassing). However, she told me that I should "try to" doll myself up and use the twenty to take a handsome young boy to lunch so that I'm not "alone" anymore. Jesus, do I look that desparate? Eff me... I bought a bottle of semi-decent wine for me, myself, and I instead.





Random things that I might want to recall/want to interweb to know:

1. My 83 year old grandfather made a facebook. There are just no words.... I am keeping my fingers crossed that he doesn't request my friendship because I will have no choice but to deny him.


2. I went to Babe's Bar last night... only the finest of Derry Area's establishment where only the classiest of people venture to sip the most ravishing of drinks (aka a shit hole with dirt floors where forty-something year old hicks with limited teeth drink mass amounts of the beer on special). I drank far too many beers, got hit on excessively by an old/married man, and witnessed a bar brawl that ended with the words: "Meet me at the little league field to settle this like real men, you chicken dick sucking mother fucker." Yeah...... Not to mention, I'm lucky to be alive after Tara's driving shananagins on the way home.


3. My mom found my sister's cherry flavored blunt wraps this morning. She thorougly inspected the tube and then asked, "Who's lip gloss is this?" Holy hell.... After Emily explained what they were, she had a minor freak out, saying that it was the same thing as having alcohol in the house for minors. My sister reassured that it wasn't like having the alcohol... it was more like having the shot glass.


4. Finally, I am avoiding my notes at all costs (as I'd rather fail my exams this week than study for them) by watching YouTube videos of Jeff Buckley. I'm confused and frustrated that the stupid site is telling me that some of the best songs are blocked in "my country". Now, I'z been all over this here world... and I've come to find that the U.S. of A. is the best country there ever was (derrrr). No, but really... why is it blocked in America? He was an American and his music is so beautiful that I just want to enjoy it. How can you block a country?

A walking, talking pit of disease and despair

Is it possible for your lymph nodes to explode? I should know that, but I don't. Taking an educated and rational guess, I am going to say no... but the nodes in my neck honestly feel like they couldn't hold another drop of infection. And my cough? It sounds like a pissed off, dying bull. A dying bull who is trying will all his might to expel the fluid in his lungs. The fluid that is tantalizingly killing the mean son of a bitch in a slow and cruel - but possibly deserved - way. Then there is the hazardous, toxic waste spewing from the pig-like fountain on my face (aka my nose). Nah, it's not really hazardous waste, but the viscous fluid flowing from my nostrils toward my lip really is that bright yellow/green color. Although, it might actually be toxic should a healthy human come into contact with it. Sometimes, like when I am laying down, it coagulates in one canal or the other... the side on which I whine and moan to determines the side on which I am partially suffocated. My brain feels like a balloon is being blown up in the "false" space (sub-arachnoid, if I'm not mistaken) and increasing my intracranial pressure (ICP, but not in the juggalo way) to a nearly unbearable state. My ears, too, are feeling the ramifications of such.

The way my dogs snug me is by far the best. After an excessive attack via jump session, I lay on the couch and they nuzzle perfectly into any nook or cranny they find. It's wonderful. So, pack your bags and come back home.

The Beautiful Truth

I don't need you to admit it to anyone but yourself, but I need you to at least do that... to admit that what you do is completely unfair. I gave in to the reference, damn it... but I doubt that anyone but Jenny even reads this (I actually don't even know if she does), so it doesn't matter much.

The illness that is taking over my upper body has made its way into my ears... the worst. I love how most of my blogs are about being such a downer (I don't actually mean "love" in the literal sense). I need to find something to make myself happy, but that's the exact problem; I'm too upset about nothing to make myself do anything that will fix me all better (that sounds like a two year old, but since I'm complaining, why not?). It's a vicious, vicious cycle. Also, I can barely stop coughing enough to type a sentence and the immediate respiratory alkalosis that follows the violent hack session makes me too loopy to think.

I am hangin' from a rope. I will haunt you like a ghost.

Dear Winter,

Please, please don't do this to me again:I can feel you starting. I can feel you feeding my eyes the darkness that allows them to consume my body with excessive amounts of sleep. I can feel you sucking the soul from me the same way you suck the sun from the sky at 5 p.m. Not to mention, I am already falling severely behind on my school work. I need to get out of there; it's not my bag anymore... not that it ever really was.

I need my next two week diversion to momentarily keep my mind from wondering down all of the wrong paths. Eek, so many wrong paths lately. I want to regret them, but there's really no point. Perhaps I should make my diversion a cause and not a human. Haiti, for example. I should find a way to help with Haiti. Unfortunately, I am far too lazy and selfish today to do anything of the sort.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AovtZ1Zxdw
Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - Broadripple is Burning

mosh mosh mosh

Going to Trapped Under Ice tonight in Erie. Mosh will be brought. By me? Probably not. Sometimes, though, I want to so bad. The fingers curl up, the lips are bit, and the head bangs ever so slightly. But, I've vowed never to let it reach the level of uninhibited movement - formally know as moshing - because I know that the ramifications include loss of friendships via second hand embarrassment. I'm pretty stoked about the ride up, too; two hours of open road and good mates.

My faces of mosh:










If I were hip enough for a tumblr, I would just re-post... but I'm not, so I can't. This is what Lena thinks of me:

pretend to myself

• 2010-01-16

  i think you think this way.

  Are you angry with someone right now?
  I just want to fall on a knife.
  
  Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?

  I woke up next to Lena. Beautiful.
  
  Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
  Lena.
  
  Have you ever been called a bad influence?
  *giggles*
  
  What is the last thing you ate?
  I just made spasarah.
  
  Been caught doing something you weren’t suppose to be doing?
  Ham and peppperonis.
  
  Height:
  5’3”
  
  School:
  PITT nursing school. Just kill me.
  
  Work:
  I hate wiping butts. Unemployed.
  
  Something you should be doing?
  My paper. I don’t care. I do care. I will stress all day.
  
  Biggest Fear:
  Anal.

  Are you talking to any friends now:

  “I asked is that fucking okay with you?”. Lena is a bitch.

  
  Do you have any best friends of the opposite sex:
  Eric P. for life.
  
  Any friends with the same name as your sibilings:
  Probz. *giggles*
  
  Do you like anyone:
  Knit caps. Yes, just knit cappers. If you are fucking greasy and disgusting i hearts you.
  
  Do you care about someone:
  Shmena.
  
  Are you dating the last person you kissed:
  I have kissed 500 men.
  
  Name someone in your homeroom:
  Highschool is for bitches.
  
  Do you like all your teachers:

  Nursing school is sucking the life out of me. UGH.
  
  In any clubs:
  Peen club.
  
  Siblings:
  MY fAmiLy iz CraZy
  
  Pets:

  BABIEZ
  
  Do all your siblings live at home:
  Yes
  
  Are you the oldest or the youngest:
  Oldest. Da boss.
  
  Where do you want to go to college?
  Nursing school. kill me seriously. i want to be in portland.
  
  Do you want to get married?
  Yes and have lots of BABIES
  
  How many kids do you want?
  90. 90 BABIES.
  
  What’s the last song you heard?
  INTEG.
  
  Who did you last slow dance with?

  myself. so sawd.
  
  Have you hugged anyone in the last 24 hours?
  Lena and i spooned.
  
  Whats your last text message say?
  *giggles*
  
  When you say you love someone, do you mean it?
  i am a real bitch.
  
  Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
  have to wake up at 6 and do my paper. seriously.
  
  What were you doing at 9:56 this morning?
  what in the world.
  
  Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?
  all of dem.
  
  What color is your shirt?
  black.
  
  What are you currently listening to?
  INTEG
  
  Where’s the last place you went?
  to the bbox to dance my ass off.
  
  Have you held hands with anyone lately?
  Lena.
  
  Who was the last person to call you?
  Paige
  
  Are you a forgiving person?
  I’ll always forgive my friends. they are my world.
  
  Can you watch scary movies?
  only if lena is holding my hand.
  
  Has anyone ever said something that brought tears to your eyes?

  he REALLY, REALLY was uninterested.
  
  Have you ever received a myspace message that made you cry?
  today. hearts.
  
  Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
  people are always trying to PISS me off
  
  What are you excited for?
  Tonight omg.
  
  Are you a bitch?
  No. the best friend you’ll ever have.
  
  What swear word do you say most often?
  FUCK.
  
  Do you ever go on Youtube and search the most random things?

  when i’m with my best friends.
  
  Whats the next movie you want to see in theaters?
  anything with blood because i am a nurse and i like to tell my friends how to fix the blood problem.
  
  Do you live near a beach?
  portland bitch.
  
  Do you have more than $50 in your room?
  No. mrow.
  
  Do you think there’s a difference between love and in love?
  Yes for sure.
  
  Do you like tomatoes ?
  veg for life.
  
  Were you tired when you woke up this morning?

  eric woke me up and i wanted to fall on a knife.
  
  What did you have for breakfast today?
  Spasarah.
  
  Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
  lena, probably.
  
  How long have you had a myspace?
  Years.
  
  Whats one thing you like about winter?

  i hate winter because it gives me winter hair. fuck pantene.

I was amazed at the colors and shapes you do.

Things that I should do soon, if not immediately:

1. Stop the insanity... for my sake and for the sake of everyone around me.
2. The paper that I was supposed to do today... but got free Red Robin - compliments of Lena's mom - instead.
3. Read the books that I got as Christmas gifts.
4. Take the TV from Lena's room so that I can hibernate in my cave for the next four months with the assistance of DVDs.
5. Find a profession that does not make me want to die. This one is especially good timing, seeing as how I am a senior in college.
6. Become less anti-social so that this can come to an end someday in the very near future.
7. Get my skin disease checked. I really hate skin.
8. Discontinue going to bed at 5 a.m. when I have to wake up at 9 a.m. I am getting more haggard by the minute. Shit.


My life would be better ten fold if you would just love me back, George Harrison.

Here's lookin' at you, kid.

I became world's biggest hypocrite when I saw "Avatar" last week (compliments of Kat). I know, okay. While the movie was visually amazing, the plot, etc. was mediocre at best. Now, I hear it's becoming a trilogy. The only good news is that the technology is already created so obscene amounts of money should not have to be spent to create the series.

Lena is leaving tomorrow. I'm bummed... even if she only likes me for my ridiculousness (you bitch with your hidden blog that contains mean things!). Hopefully, she finds Slippery Rock to be silly and she returns to me regularly. Mrow, beanz... until we meet again.



You should reconsider your position, but.... we'll always have Pittsburgh.

bullet proof... i wish i was

Sitting in clinical frontloading, contemplating slowly and painfully gouging my eyes from their sockets with a sparkley, pink lead pencil out of sheer boredom; I just need some sort of thrill. Plus, I'm in a room full of senior nursing students. They should know how to help, right? Doubtful. I got really drunk last night. Damn you, bubbly wine. Regretable? Eee...define regret. I also moshed way too hard last night (to A Day To Remember, nonetheless). I can't fathom how people do it for a full set and still manage to function. I am walking around like a rigor mortis corpse. There is a stiff pain from the nape of my neck to my tail bone. The other nurses are already bugging out about the work this semester. I wish I knew how to spell the noise I am making right now...

This blog is a hallmark example of flight of ideas. I am manic, it's true.

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

This past semester, for my Music of The Beatles class, I wrote a short story about a boy who spent his Summer of Love seduced and tainted by the soothing relaxation brought upon by the drug formally know as Quaalude. My professor told me that I should send the paper somewhere to try to have it published. I wish. It would be so easy to do something I actually enjoyed in life versus the distasteful, degrading, and tantalizing profession referred to as nursing (no offense to those who actually enjoy it; we all know they say that it's not for everyone). So, why not do that? Because being happy is too easy. Apparently, I seek out the pain and go for the things I know are no good for me. I should write more.

You used to be one of the rotten ones...

A weird rash is consuming random parts of my body. It is only a matter of time until I am fully covered in the itchy, putrid bubbles that began as a small patch on my left forearm. I should go get it looked at so that I can receive some sort of medicated cream that will stop the spread. However, a few friends and I thought it would be a good idea to become burn buddies on New Year's Eve. My burns are on my wrist. The problem lies in the fact that I will be sent to the psych ward on the grounds of attempted suicide should any logical doctor catch wind of the burns that are scattered about the major arteries and veins in my wrist. Bummer times.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdQz9ghg_sk&feature=related
I Don't Blame You - Cat Power

Wondering the world for the wallet

I managed to leave my wallet at two separate houses today on two separate sides of the city. Each abandonment called for a short, yet enjoyable road trip with Jenny. Now, I'm knitting a wretched (but ever so soft) scarf, listening to David Bowie, drinking a glass of wine, and waiting for half off. As much as i despise nursing school... I might need it so that I have at least small meaning in my life. Although, making cuddle puddles in my bed while I (nearly illiterately) read Chuck Palahniuk to my mates is nice, too.

Things I want:
1. the following map to be used as both a headboard and a wishing well of the places I'd like to go.
2. the following vintage record player to play all of the records I collect in my life time and put into the fantasy music room in my future abode. 3. this mini cooper... yes, the old ass one because I think it's cuter. Plus, I would look so cool cruising around with the windows down and my long, greasy hair blowing in the Portland wind in this.4. someone to purchase these things for me, as I am a broke bitch. Not to mention, it would be fun to plan worldly trips, listen to good music in an enchanting room, and venture the west coast with someone at my side. God, that's a really embarrassing request. Don't judge.