Slip inside the eye of your mind...

I would love to sit inside your brain and observe - in utter amazement - the horribly beautiful and beautifully horrible things that go on....

The good seems fuckin' cheap

Late night chats with an old, unavailable friend always seem like a good idea. They range from deep, to funny, to enlightening, to pointless all in one chat session. However (and there's always a "however"), there comes a time - around 7:30 a.m. in this case - where the good does an unwanted 180 and turns quite sour. What I'm speaking of is surprise snug attacks on the unwilling and unprepared. While I thoroughly enjoy your conversations and general presence, I do not much like your grizzly bear hugs on my pretend sleeping body. This is why girlfriends - especially yours - hate me. Gawd. I was forced into submission to sleep in a freezing attic with a holey blanket only to wake up two hours later, call me mama, snag Jenny away from her four blankets and space heater, and go home to have a cucky day. Womp, womp, boo-hoo, whatever, whatever.

On the bright side, this fall seems to be my semester of many A's. I received all A's in my classes (2x A+, 1x A, and 2x A-) and then received an A+ on my dentist report card (no cavities, woot!).

Now that you're home...

...won't you rescue me? I've been trying so hard to be good again.

Petland pre-show. I need the German Shepherd for $1,499 more than most essential things in life (i.e. food and water, but not heat - i always need heat).

I ain't a playa... I just crush a lot.

Ugh... I just received this message:


8:48 PM
To: sarah v
hey there hows it going ?? just came across ya profile and gotta say that your very attractive lol hot bod. this is a very random message but i thought what the hell, so hopefully you hear me out :P basically i'm married and bored in my relationship and am looking for some no strings no hassle fun with a likeminded person. it's got to be veryyy discrete and fun and i know your probably thinking why would i do this ? well every1 goes through a rough patch and everyone is different and i definately have my reasons but dont wanna and cant break up. spose it may sound unfair but i never judge another person because ur not in their shoes. anyhow, for me my sex life is no where near as frequent or as good as it should be, so im searching for a hot mistress type girl who is as wild as me and into thrilling rendevouz. im very good looking too, 27 male gold coast, alot of girls of my friends etc hit on me but i cant do any thing coz im married, but im considered hot as no doubt. i got a webcam and i got pics but i aint gonna post em on myspace but if you got msn messenger or something i can show ya. u wont be dissapointed at all thats 4 sure. so yeah babe, if ur not into this sorta thing then thats cool, sorry to bother ya...but if u are or if ur a little curious , let me know...i would love to talk more :)thanks,rob ;)

So, this is Christmas. What have you done?

I'm not sure I've cared about the "true" meaning of Christmas since I was about eight. I would wake up and sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus... ugh...

Regardless, I don't know what has happened to christmas. We used to build ginger bread houses, make maps and plans to stalk big houses with beautiful lights, and spend infinate hours making cookies that would have been better had we just went to the store and bought them (obviously, that wasn't the point). I keep getting distracted by the George Harrison videos playing in a different tab on YouTube... so perfect, it hurts. ANYWAYS, it's like the day comes and goes and that was that. I do that with many things, though; slowly build up anticipation that makes things bigger in my head than they ever really should be.. which ends up making everything a slight disappointment and causes me to just go through the motions. I need a little light in my life, geeze!

Happy Christmas. War is over... if you want it.

I've got this thing that I consider my only art: Fucking people over.

Today, I was stuck in a traffic jam on the parkway with my gas light on. During the standstill, I smoked my last Marlboro Light and jammed obnoxiously loud to truly terrible music that blared soley from the driver side speaker (as I've blown out the passenger side speaker in my parent's third consecutive car). No worries, though, fate was on my side; I made it to a gas station just in time to pump five dollars worth of gas... enough to safely return my mother's car to Latrobe with an empty tank. She was unpleased, but I have no care since I am a poor, suffering college student with no source of income but an endless pile of debt that continues to stack itself infinately further toward the sky.

I am going to my baby sister's swim meet tonight where she will be swimming the event of my glory days. She rules... when she doesn't suck. Later, I am going to have a few good beers, a few good friends, and a few good chats at my mama's house. Who says you can't go home? I do wish, though, that my buddies didn't move to Philly, Texas, the Big City, and the likes... bummer times, man.

It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts

First and foremost... Happy birthday, Eric Schaeffer. And a big thank you to your mother for making a lovely homemade dinner and an awesome homemade ice cream cake... yumz!

As per my blog...
The snow is quite beautiful when it first falls... but after the city unleashes it's polluted fury on the soft and delicate, it becomes an extremely unflattering embellishment atop the town and is rather unappealing to onlookers. Also, when I say delicate, I speak only in terms of it's looks; as any snow-goer knows, the entity of snow often causes short-term epidemics for unfortunate drivers, such as myself (worst driver ever, with or without the snow... but definitely fear for your life should you ever have the misfortune of riding in a half ton metal machine, aka a car, with me).

On a tangential note - because Gawd knows I can't form a complete thought without venturing down an adjacent pathway - my mind is rather perplexed by you. It is highly likely that you are to blame for a vast portion of my mental calamity. Don't be so vain, I use the term "you" very loosely and am aiming the word at a collaboration of several things... mostly boys in general, though. Yes, I am being the quintessential female tonight/this morning... yuck.

It's more than pathetic that my infrequent insomnia results in absolutely nothing productive. I stalk people - most of whom I don't particularly even care about - on Facebook, try to scam answers out of Google on who will be playing at Bonnaroo in 2010, and conjure up lists of the potential humans I would eat... should I ever eat a human. I need someone to snug... luckily my doggies love me and I will be spending the next four nights with them in the sad and pathetic hick town in which my mother resides. I secretly love many things about it, but try to keep that a secret.

NietzsChe Guevara

I thoroughly enjoy the following quote. Use is as you find fit, virtual world.

"Perhaps this world will never conform perfectly to our needs; people will always die before they are ready, perfect relationships will end in ruins, adventures will end in catastrophe, and beautiful moments be forgotten. But what breaks my heart is the way we flee from those inevitable truths into the arms of more horrible things. It may be true that every man is lost in a universe that is fundamentally indifferent to him, locked forever in a terrifying solitude. But it doesn't have to be true that some people starve while others destroy food or leave fertile farms untilled. It doesn't have to be true that men and women waste their lives away working to serve the hollow greed of a few rich men just to survive. It doesn't have to be that we never dare tell each other what we really want, to share ourselves honestly, to use our talents and capabilities to make life more bearable, let alone more beautiful. That's unnecessary tragedy, stupid tragedy, pathetic and pointless."

Please don't wake me, please don't shake me. After all, I'm only sleeping.

Last night I had a dream that you were only gone because you had been in jail. Of course, you were incarcerated under false pretenses. When you got out, we were hanging out in my bed and having a grand ole time. I woke up suddenly and searched around the room in desperation, but you were no where to be found. Dreaming about you is such a bummer; I love seeing you, but I hate having to miss you twice as much when I wake up.

On the bright side, Lena and I went to Chalk Dinosaur, Harrison Wargo, and Good Old War last night. The drummer from GOW is beautiful, funny, talented, and perfect. I need to some how devise a flawless plan to make this creature of the Gods fall into uncontrollable love with me.

IMAGINE...

10/09/1940-12/08/1980

It's been twenty nine years...

REST IN POWER, John Lennon.

While you had done some relatively questionable things in your day and acted like a prick at times, I can't help but dig you.



Love. Peace. Love.

I'm coming down fast, but I'm miles above you

So, it is going on thirty two straight hours that I've been awake with only four hours of sleep before that. College is a rough life; it drains the soul and reeks havoc on stress levels. However, after a final next Tuesday, I am done for the semester.

I'm pretty stoked about today - I'm pretty sure I did quite well (!) on my Psychiatric nursing final, my Urban dress was awaiting my lengthy absence from the 'Wood, and Johnny V bought me a fajita burrita from Mad Mex. My dress is cute and actually fits my "viscus" chest much better than anticipated... classy style at the Ugly Sweater Party n'at. On the down side, I look like an effing MANIAC. A photo update of my sleepless existence to ensue with this entry's conclusion. I was a manic maniac driving Jenny around and spewing words after my exam a few hours ago... it was epic. I'm sorry that you missed it.

I have an ethics class from five until eight (thirty eight straight awake hours) that I must attend, and then I am going to crash so hard. I might not see daylight until my Thursday "HESI" exam at noon. A secret between the virtual world and myself - aka no secret at all - adderall may or may not be my new best friend. I was a learning fiend last night who soaked up mass amounts of information toward a subject in which I have no interest. I had big plans for this blog today, but I'm pretty sure that my brain is mush and I can't recall any information or even form complete sentences right now.

Until next time, virtua, I leave you with these for your viewing pleasure/comedic relief:




Infinite hours of studying ain't no thang.








A pseudo-celebration of completed finals.

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

I don't mean to wish my life away, but I really wish that it were tomorrow at about 11 a.m. My third final would be over and I would be snugging so hard in my bed after a thirty hour study binge. Instead, I must suffer through the next twenty two hours while acquiring an excruciating neck knot/cramp and memorizing an abundance of information that will soon become dust in the back of my brain.

On the bright side, The Beatles are so good... and I am still truly devastated that I am incapable of falling in love with and pledging eternity to George Harrison. It is almost creepy, but I love him. Currently jamming to the later albums - circa 1968 through the demise - and studying for a class that has encompassed the band in their entirety. It's a pretty good life.

The most wonderful time of the year

Today was the first snow fall in The 'Burgh. No matter how much the cold hurts the distal extremities of my body that lack circulation, I can't help but love the snow. It was a pleasant surprise to wake up to snow fall and Neutral Milk Hotel.

I bought my first very own Christmas/holiday (don't want to discriminate) tree today. It was a six foot pre-lit cheapo from the brand spankin' new Big Lots on McNight Road. I would love to have gotten a real one, but the aforementioned has had serious adverse outcomes in the past... i.e. the last real tree I had was an epic failure and catastrophic disaster. I was probably eleven or so and it had to have been the post-Thanksgiving Saturday that we went tree hunting and chopping, because that was our traditional day. It was always damn cold and there was always way too much arguing, but it was fun to search for the perfect tree while running around the fields like a Taliban marshmallow puff man due to the excessive scarfs and layering. I can fairly confidently contest that the perfect tree was never found and the my family settled for some lack-luster, mediocre tree after copious amounts of complaining. My mom had this really cute tree skirt with gold and glittery reindeer on it. Every morning, these little white specs covered the skirt, so every morning my mom shook it off. None of my family members ever really gave it much thought. Well, we probably should have because on that Christmas morning, as my sisters and I more or less teleported down the steps to see what Santa had brought us, we were attacked by a swarm of flying red ants. They were EVERYWHERE... all through the house, in the present wrapping, probably up my nose and the likes. The tree was the culprit. It had been the hub, the mother board, the main shelter supplier for nearly a month as the insects procreated, cultivated, and grew. The bastard was immediately removed from the house and we evacuated to the safety of my Mimi's. The moral of the story is... Happy birthday, Jesus. Happy birthday, infection of flying red ants. Ironic, aye?

What goes around... comes around....

At ten minutes until 8 last night, Lena and I decided we would continue our Grey's marathon with some cranberry and vodka. Much to our dismay, the liquor was M.I.A. To compensate, we stole Wiker's beer. I thought that karma had gotten the best of us when the beer tasted like a moldy ball sack, but she was just beginning to rear her ugly head.

Today at my psychiatric clinical, I heard the "kkkkrrrpt!" of my pants ripping. Right there in my crotch was a hole. As the day went on, the hole spread into a full blown, four finger wide beauty. This excessive spread may have been due to the fact that I was running around hidden halls, putting my finger down my pants and out the hole, and poking the only male nurse in my clinical group. The pokes were followed by me smacking my hand over my mouth to dilute the fact that I was giggling obnoxiously loud at how funny I'm not. The point is, the floor I was on has a plethora of troubled adolescent males and my scandalous black panties (THANK GOD that I actually wore some today) were all about being in your face. Speaking of my clinical group, I am so bummed that not a one of them knows who Dr. Steve Bruel is... quite disappointed.

Anyway, I blame you, Miley Cyrus. Perhaps if your voice wasn't so gawd damn annoying, the pants you make wouldn't rip so easily.

For now, though, I am going to make a pot of coffee and try to learn about the anatomic and physiologic mechanisms of several cancers. This tantalizing task will be done so that I can then forget the true aspects of what I've learned and apply it to some bullshit NCLEX-style questions (I hate those things). Yum, coffee...

I wish grown ups could remember being kids...

In a time where disparity is at large, it seems more than silly that nearly 500 million dollars is being spent on movie production. From both economical and humanitarian standpoints, what the fuck? There are so many better ways for that money to be spent. But, no, five.hundred.million.dollars. went into the production of the "Avatar" film. Don't get me wrong, (while I may romanticize about being an anarchist) I am all about the movie industry for educational and entertainment purposes - Lena and I have Movie Wednesdays, after all. However, the amount of money put into his film is completely asinine. I would like, maybe even love, to punch the person who approved this budget right in the wiener! Seriously, though, Avatar?! The entire trilogy of "Lord of the Rings" was half the cost and so much more beneficial to existence... just saying.

On a tangential note, my feet miss their freedom circa January 2009 - mid-November 2009. I had no winter, and thus let my tootsies run ramped and reek havoc on the earth's dirty ground. Once the chilly weather started to sink in, though, I realized that the jig was up and that it was time to tame the beasts and put on the constricting torture devices commonly known as shoes. Bare feet, I miss you.



This one is for you, Jenny Schaeffer...

You're so full of it...

Out of nowhere, people text me just to say, "Sar, you should try dulcolax and maybe lay off the cheese."

Shiiiit.... no pun intended (kind of).

I'm like a virgin losing a child

Today, I should be calling you and making fun of you for being one year away from half of fifty (does that make sense?). Instead, I scavenged Dollar General for half an hour trying to find a decent enough card to place at your grave site. It was an epic failure... the card looked like something one would buy for a four year old girl's birthday. I put the lyrics to "Here Today" by Paul McCartney on this inside. I suppose it could be the soundtrack to my day... which, apparently, I'm all about lately (life/day soundtracks, that is).

I really sound like such a bummer on this site, but I'm a lot happier than I thought I would be lately. Half glass full? Mmhmmm! Half glass full of wine? I wish...

Human dungeons n'at

If I were a critic, I'd give "The Road" some thumbs up. It's scary and depressing and - if you're a big sissy like me - you'll cry enough to fill the Allegheny.

Le Crew talked about the gang we would form for survival. Joe is definitely in, as he would be the most vicious and fearless leader of all. Of course, all of the roomies are invited - even Jenny who wants to eat us and myself who would heavily invest in some mighty fine drugs (please, you know they would be necessary for peace of mind during the effing Apocalypse). We decided we could add on a few friends - Marie, Noelle, Andrew (did we speak of anyone else?)... you all make the cut, even though you guys would be of no physical help to the gang.

I am in a surprisingly upbeat mood today! Although, it is not helping get the work done. Seeing as how I have obligations on my day off tomorrow, I am going to turn into crazy coffee queen this weekend. To all of those who may encounter me: I APOLOGIZE in advance.